I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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