Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
