WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I touched a dick in church today
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
