after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
