I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
