If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
