clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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