My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
