If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
