I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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