I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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