drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
