Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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