just tell him i said nine months
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
