he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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