running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
