When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
