Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
