Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
