Where is the hickey?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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