Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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