Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im holly from the hills drunk
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
