i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
