Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I am puke
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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