If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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