When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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