I cockslap morals
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
