happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
