I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
