id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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