so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
