I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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