too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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