I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
