Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just invented taco cereal.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
