my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
