You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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