margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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