so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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