she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
