He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
