Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
