He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
