He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
