More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sext me about skeletons
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
