I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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