I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
