I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
