The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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