you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
