i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
