Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
