I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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