Don't make out with my wife yet
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
